Here’s Why You Have No Rights To ‘Out’ Someone

Growing up in a world where its people are non-stop imposing the ‘God only created Adam and Eve’ card is probably one of the hardest things a gay child could ever experience. Being labeled as stupid, not normal, and by just the treatment that they are somewhat different can cause serious scars to a child’s growing mind. Little did we know is that we are unintentionally cutting their wings before they could even fly.

Being outed as gay was probably the worst experience of my life.

I spent most of my childhood and preteen years pretending someone I am not. I watched war films, I picked manly toys, and I even try to change my soft voice when I speak in front of the class.

But no matter how much I fake it by putting masks that I know my friends and family choose to accept, somehow, the real me always shows up. It shows up why most of my friends were girls and it shows up when I didn’t give a flying F to the bands that most boys my age like.

And no matter how I try hard to keep the real me as a secret, I was still being outed by my family, by my friends, by my teachers, and by people that are strangers to me. It happened during a family gathering and in between classes. And I will just bleed inside and proceed to live the day looking at the reflection of me as someone I don’t know.

Photo by Denin Lawley on Unsplash

‘Outed’

The meaning of ‘outed’ is mostly to expose (someone considered to be a heterosexual) as being gay, lesbian, or bisexual. It is to expose someone for doing something secret or immoral. Or the easiest way to explain it, it is the act of disclosing an LGBT person’s sexual orientation or gender identity without that person’s consent.


WHY IT’S NEVER YOUR PLACE TO DO IT

I truly believe that everyone is free to embrace their religion as much as they like but it is NEVER acceptable to disclose someone’s sexual orientation without their consent.

You have no idea how humiliating it is to stand strongly with your two feet when someone is hungrily telling the public that you are not straight. It’s hard to witness it happening in front of your eyes and it feels like the world’s going so slow, your stomach’s turning upside down, and a sudden bad fire will electrify your soul. It feels like someone steals something from you and you couldn’t do anything about it.

Outing a person is like assassinating their character.

Photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash

People will argue things like “YOU SHOULD BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!” pertaining that if you are gay then you should admit it whether you like it or not – stuff like that and blah blah blah. But that be-your-self-card doesn’t work like that in situations like this only because not a lot of people carries the same amount of bravery.

In my case, I try so hard to distance myself to people like this. Why, because they don’t care about someone’s identity at all! All they want to hear from them is to admit that they are gay. And after that, what now? Are these people gonna be there for them when they go home to their not so supportive family? Are these people gonna be there when they get bullied by a homophobic? And are these people willing to step up and reach help when the person they outed just couldn’t get enough of bullying and decides to commit suicide?

The bottom line is people like that only want to out someone as gay and laugh about it.


JUST BE OKAY WITH PEOPLE BEING LGBTQ+

The little boy likes to play barbie doll? Okay, sure! That girl is madly in love with another girl? That’s sweet! The guy from your Geometry class acts like a girl? And so what, not a problem with that!

Fast forward today, my closest friends would still laugh at me why I didn’t come out earlier. Saying that we could have been a lot happier if I did. But it was hard for me at 12 to say that I am gay – and that it took me years to be strong and finally embrace the real me.

Photo by Yoav Hornung on Unsplash

CONCLUSION

I will end this blog with a short and meaningful advice.

The world that we are living in is too harsh already so please don’t add any more reasons for people to commit suicide. Compassion and understanding can go a long way. That’s your power right there, friends!

Comments

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      1. Eduardo Maresca

        There is a big rift between bigotry and spirituality. Spirituality has nothing to do with hatred and outing people. Obviously someone who sincerely believes in Christianity (I mean the real one, not the fake one that most people blindly practice) will consider certain things as not consistent with Christianity but Christ never taught hatred. Dr. Wayne Dyer, a famous psychologist once said “the spiritual person wants to share while the religious person wants to make others wrong. Most religious people who show hatred would probably kill Jesus himself if he was here on earth.

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          Marron Santillan

          I couldn’t agree more! I have a lot of Christian friends who support this issue all the way – they believe love is love. I also know religious and traditional Filipino families who are embracing individuality and diversity. And yes Tito, it is never right to hate! The world already has so much of that.

          1. Eduardo Maresca

            Yep. My point is that a sincere Christian will obviously disagree with certain practices that are not consistent with Christianity but it is not his job to judge, attack or condemn and morover attacking never wins other people to our point of view. As Dale Carnegie said in “How to win friends and influence people”: “you cannot gather honey by kicking over the beehive”.
            A Christian can only share his views in a loving way and spread unselfish love to win others to the Christian point of view.
            Those who hate are generally people who operate under a condition that psychologists call projection: they are full of hypocrisy and they project their own weaknesses onto others and they don’t really care about the moral issues per se.
            So one must first fix all his own weaknesses before even trying to share his Christianity with others

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  1. Norm Hamilton Photography

    Thanks for your thoughtful, and insightful, words on this subject. The “Outing” of an LGBTQ2 individual is a personal choice. Whether or not one chooses to share that information with others is entirely up to the person.

    Part of the reason for this is the response from some of society’s less progressive individuals who believe it’s their prerogative to abuse those who don’t fit into their preconceived notion of what someone “should” be, their ill-informed dogma, or fears. Interestingly, and perhaps sadly, these unfortunates are often hiding from their own sexuality so take it out on others.

    I commend you for speaking out.
    Norm

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      Marron Santillan

      I agree with what you say. I also think that as an individual, it is our responsibility to shape society for the better by teaching and educating one person at a time – starting with our own families. Thank you for your smart insights, Norm!

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  2. Bob Laycock

    It took me till age 22 to come out, back in 1975 when things weren’t as open as now. I wish I’d come out earlier because I effectively lost my adolescence. I believe coming out is essential for the community as a whole and for each of us as individuals β€” but never until we’re ready. Forcing someone out is cruel and unconscionable.

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  3. Timothy

    It must be terrible to being pressured like this to come out. Outing is never okay.

    Big hugs.

    πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

    It’s good, it’s brave to share this.

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  4. Tish Wolfsong

    Good post, Marron!
    Here in the UK it’s actually a criminal offence to out somebody without their permission. Unfortunately that doesn’t stop people, I guess partly because nobody takes the appropriate action when it does happen. πŸ™

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      Marron Santillan

      Oh really is that so? That’s actually sad when people just kept silent or they keep a blind eye on when these things. We should learn how to voice our rights! I was supposed to go to UK on January to meet my friend but I guess I will just reschedule it for now.

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