You Will Not Receive Closure in Every Situation, But You Can Create it Yourself

As per Merriam-Webster, the definition of the word “closure” is often a comforting or satisfying sense of finality. I don’t know much about it but personally, there are films that have given me that feeling already – that time when I was filled with beautiful emotions as the credits started rolling down at the end of the movie and nothing but wearing a genuine smile as I walked out of the cinema. And perhaps if you wanna consider it, that’s because I got the ending that I want.

But sometimes in real life, things we love will stop serving us in so many terrifying and unexpected ways. Like being dumped by the one we love, opportunities that were taken from us and even death. It happens! And we can’t help it because we already miss the boat that going back to the drawing board seems like the only thing left to do.

Come to think of all the people you’ve lost into contact with and try to remember the last thing you two are talking about. Did you recognize by that time that it’s gonna be your last words to that person? Probably not because our intentions were unfeigned and cannot be doubted. And why the hell would you think that way, right? It just happens that way. We go to sleep at night ready to proceed for the next morning to go on with our daily routine. Life is happening for us while disconnection is also happening between you and a certain amount of people and we have no idea that it is already happening.

Going through with the flow when there’s an unfinished business from yesterday can be so hard to endure because it will leave us mental and paranoid thinking of what could have had happened. And it will greatly affect our present self because emotionally and mentally, we just cannot be at the moment. Just like what Robin Scherbatsky said, “The future is scary but you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar. Yes, it’s tempting, but, it’s a mistake.”

All I can say is that tomorrow is never promised. The person who died last night has already made plans for this morning. The person who died this morning already made plans for tonight. And as what they say, it’s always hard to leave; but it is even harder for those who left behind. You can’t just cling to the past, because no matter how tightly you hold on, it’s already gone. Thanks, Ted. And yeah, it will always be just a question with no definite answer.

I’ve come across a certain post and it says that sometimes, closure arrives years later. Long after you stopped searching for it. You’re just sitting there, laughing this laugh that is unapologetically yours. As it trails off, the corners of your mouth hug your face and it hits you, ‘I’m happy’. It’s just like that. With no fanfare or epiphany. Suddenly, you are grateful for goodbyes that carried you to this moment; to the space you are not holding. And also sometimes, closure arrives decades later, on an ordinary afternoon, in a way you never expected or could have predicted. And you cry a little, you laugh a little, and the first time in a long time you exhale. Because you are free.

And in a relationship, closure doesn’t need to come from the other person. Sometimes, it comes from just knowing that deep down in your heart, you did everything in order to save what was there that needed to be saved. That you went bouncing off the walls, head over heels, above and beyond and to the moon and back. Your closure don’t need an explanation of hows and whys. Your closure can be as simple as realizing that you weren’t just for each other.

As simple as that

A word of advice: Play along. The more you fight it, the worse it’s gonna get. It’s like when your car slides on ice, you steer into the skid.

Artwork from my friend Carl Cervantes (@cerebralepitaph)

Thank you for sharing your art, Carl!


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  1. summerhilllane

    Thank you Martin for your blog. I needed to read your message today. This is the title of my next blog, which I was starting to write today about my ex husband. ‘Closure’
    I don’t believe in coincidences.
    Love to you ❤️

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      Marron Santillan

      Appreciate your time reading this one. Glad that my message has reached you from miles away!

      Also, that’s good! Can’t wait to read it. Can you please tag me once it’s published? Oh I just followed you so I can keep track of your future blogs on my Reader.

      Thank you so much! x

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