Hello everyone reading this blog,
I hope you are doing well.
I am writing this to you at 6 in the morning in hopes to vent out and to comfort myself knowing that at least, someone out there can know what I’m going through at the moment.
I haven’t been feeling well for almost half a month now. And if I can remember it clearly, I only told a couple of people about it. I TRIED TELLING IT TO A FEW PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME TOO. But it seems to me that most of us don’t really listen but are only waiting for our turns to talk.
So I gave up venting.
They say in times of troubles, you should write everything down – the things you are worried about, your plans, big and small, the small things you noticed that tickles your imagination, the friends that disappoint you, the people who hurt you.
Maybe for now, it’s safe to say that I am just having ‘one of those days’ and heaven knows perhaps it wasn’t to be this way. Life was perfectly good if I’m being honest: I have schedules aligned, happy ideas, and good plans.
But for whatever reason, I just don’t feel good.
My heart hurts and there’s something bothering me at the pit of my stomach.
I was on a great party this weekend but the large group of people scared the hell out of me. I was surprised, too, because these kind of events excite me.
While at the party, I tried to avoid socializing. And the funny part? I even hide behind the bushes and broke down in silence because of a prank.
And if it’s any consolation, I wasn’t myself at the party. Or maybe I was myself all along – only that I was sad.
After a complete sleep and a cured hangover, I thought I’ll be okay. But somehow, I still found myself waking up at the wrong side of the bed. I was too tired to get up and too sad to fall asleep.
I feel like Marie Antoinette the morning after she had a big party to celebrate her 18th birthday. And I could play Squarepusher’s Tommib Help Buss because for what it’s worth, Tommib is here to help. Always.
I read somewhere that you aren’t your loneliness let alone grief over smashed dreams. And maybe it’s coming back. I might have to be ok with just managing for a bit, but I’ll see it through.
I don’t know if I am even making a point because my head is clouded and my feelings are cloudy. But I know I’ll be okay soon.
And my melancholic soul might want to call all my friends and play music over a bottle of whiskey, but it’s just me today.