Before you read the whole damn thing, please be reminded that the following words that you are about to read are edited by one of my many personalities in collaboration with a blogger he who must not be named. And it wasn’t freaking Voldemort, so there I said it. Thus, coming up with a team name of Marron f*cking Santillan to make it as badass as imaginable. Please be also warned about the following foul words because this is not for the faint of heart, sensitive, and conservative folks – if you fall into any of those categories, you may now exit and not continue reading. But before you do, let me say this to you:
And if you’re still reading this damn sentence, I want you to shut your mouth and just read the following words carefully.
To pre-fame you, this is not any Mark Manson self-help book about a counterintuitive approach to living a good life although his book inspired this post to be published. However, this may help you live a better life as well IF you are going to:
1. STICK TO YOUR GUNS
This means establishing a clear goal. An unshakable and cloudless goal for yourself and not for someone else. Just like what Nicki Minaj once said, “bitches ain’t shit and they ain’t saying nothing, a hundred mothaf*ckas can’t tell me nothing.” Well honestly, idgaf about what she was saying in that song but if you made it clear to yourself what ya really want, you should also make it clear that none of these bitches has the power to ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. YOU DO YOU.
When I was in university, I set a goal to be the top-performing student in our history class. The majority of the people I hang out with think I was too nerdy to be around – so be it, I say, let’s be nerdy. Guess what I did? I started bringing fat history books to our Thursday nights at Taco Bell and the annoyed faces of these people boosted my happiness level. I wore “I’m a history nerd, DON’T F*CK WITH ME” on Saturday night parties, because why not. I’m a bad bitch who likes history!
By the end of the semester, I passed my history subject not just with flying colors, but figuratively, walking with big Victoria’s Secret angel wings on high heels and drawing a big heart shape in the air with my pointer fingers and mouthing the words: THIS BITCH IS THE TOP STUDENT YA’LL!
So let your yes be yes and your no be no.
2. BE EXTRA COMFORTABLE FOR BEING WHO YOU REALLY ARE
I strongly believe that one of the main foundations of living your life with minimal f*cks given is truly embracing your true self. This is the version of yourself without anyone looking, away from Instagram feed, and without your own false hallucinations. Sometimes you will feel irrelevant for not making everyone agree with you but who gives a f*ck with your thoughts anyway? Everyone else is too busy presenting themselves in social media, just waiting for their turns to speak.
Did you know that I have a bunch of friends who advocates about pineapples on pizzas being illegal every damn time on Facebook newsfeed? Yup. And there I was, finishing my 7th slice of Hawaiian pizza while reacting HAHA on their posts. Because it’s not that the Italians will go on their gondolas and kill me with their rather sexy accent, right? I get the fact that you don’t like fruits on top of your pizza but I strongly believe that people can eat it exactly how they like it no matter how twisted they may appear. And thus, I will put whatever the hell f*ck I like on my pizza and ya’ll shut the F up.
It’s mostly embracing the parts of yourself no one claps for. If no one claps for you for being too-this and too-that, or less-this and less-that, that’s the time you get on your feet and yell bravo to the motherf*ckers. You need to learn how to give yourself a standing ovation whether in an empty room or in a crowd of (stupid) people.
3. LET PEOPLE MIND THEIR OWN MOTHAF*CKING BUSINESS TO GIVE MORE FOCUS FOR YOURSELF TO MIND YO OWN
The truth bomb that is about to drop here is that often times, people do not really mind their own business because they think they know better. And they would do every f*cking thing to prove the world that what they believe is right and that everything else is wrong. But you are a queen and you know better. So if you are caught in the situation where you are witnessing someone who talks so highly of himself, bragging that their favorite reptile is a frog, you just have to genuinely reply, “oh really? that is so cute!” and get the f*ck out of the conversation and silently laugh because for chrissakes a frog is a hella f*cking amphibian. Ya get me?
Like when I was ranting about a specific issue on Facebook, there was this one person who commented on my post saying “I get your point. But–” uhhh, no honey you don’t say. It’s not that I am stubborn or anything but his argument was so dumb, to begin with. Too many loopholes and obviously out of context. So what I did was idgaf and I just let his comment sit there for people to see how dumb he was that time. I know he waited for my reply but all he got from me was a shared video of Cardi B singing Bodak Yellow in the newsfeed.
4. MANAGE YOUR F*CKS WISELY
This is the right time to treat your f*cks like gold bars. And what do we do with gold bars? We sip Daiquiri in front of the fireplace and keep them to ourselves.
Before giving a flying f*ck, always ask yourself: Does it worth my time and my energy? If the answer is a NO then don’t give a f*ck. But if you think you should throw some f*cks then you should apply the 10 minute f*ck rule.
The 10 minute f*ck rule is not about having sex or the fair hit that allows the batter to make a complete circuit of the bases without stopping and score a run – or a home run. If that’s what you’re thinking. It’s mostly about procrastinating and taking 10 more minutes before deciding if the shit is worth your f*ck. Most of the time, small issues don’t really matter 10 minutes after. To make it all short, choose your battles wisely.
5. The last and most important rule: DO NOT GIVE A F*CK AT ALL
First of all, one can always acquire a “don’t give a f*ck” attitude and still give a damn about the things that truly matter. Or in another phrase, do whatever the f*ck you want in your life. For some reason, it is the only mantra that you need to follow in order to live a happy life.
You will become a happier person when you decide to stop caring about what others think about you and they will do it in front of you and behind your back. There will always some people that like to get on your last nerve and ruin your mood. But you can ruin their mood by just flashing them the unapologetically resting-bitch face like Kirsten Stewart on a metallic dress walking the red carpet at Cannes, taking off her heels in a “look at all the f*cks I give” attitude.
And it’s true that the question of doubt inside our heads whispering, “what will people say?” has killed more dreams since god knows when. I wonder how many people today are stuck in the wrong marriage because they refused to say NO back in the day.
All in all, we are all living in a world where we’re damned if we do and we’re damned if we don’t. And no matter how f*cking cliche it is, start chasing that weird life you’ve always wanted! So that if you get killed today, and I pray that you will not, you won’t get on your knees and beg Hades in the underworld to give you another chance to do it.
If you reach the end if this article, may it be a reminder that you are alive and you have the chance. Don’t let it go to waste, mommah!
*plays I Don’t F*ck With You by Big Sean ft. E-40* I got a million trillion things I’d rather f*ckin’ do than to be f*ckin’ with you.